Saturday, August 7, 2010

Listening Equals Intimacy

The first secret to achieving high levels of communication is through listening. There are two different types of listening; internal and external. Internal listening refers to the interpersonal communication that happens between a person and themselves. It can be thoughts or a conversation. Meditation and prayer is a stepping stone to a healthy internal relationship and opens channels to positive listening. Negative listening is through recorded thoughts. These are negative thoughts and feelings that formed in the past that replay themselves until an individual starts to listen. Stop! It is not worth it and will only bring pain and sorrow.

An individual can prepare themselves for good internal listening by finding a secluded place, one that makes them feel at peace, then begin to listen to their heart. It will guide them to their true path and way.

External listening is done in a conversation. It is one thing to hear what someone else is saying, but it is a totally different experience to understand what they are saying. Listening is a skill that must be learned. No one is born a good listener; everyone even the greatest teachers in the world had to learn how to listen. Drifting in and out of a conversation is normal, but as long as an individual can recognize subtle communication cues, such as verbal recognition of feelings, facial expressions or hand gestures then and only then can they really begin to listen.

One way to be a good listener is to repeat what the other person has said. It may sound simple, but it is a key element in keeping up with the conversation. For example, if someone verbalizes, “The other day I was walking down the street and saw trash. It made me so angry! People don’t care anymore.” A good listener will be able to pick up on the frustration in their voice and respond in a way that will put them at ease by responding with, “It sounds like you saw trash in the streets and it made you angry because you feel people don’t care anymore.” Or a simpler version would be, “You’re angry because people are leaving trash behind.”

The communicator will feel appreciated and listened to allowing them to open up and communicate at a higher level. This means that the entire conversation will also reach a higher level of communication. Bravo!

When an individual feels appreciated for their thoughts and opinions they will let the listener in and divulge their inner desires and secrets. It is as simple as saying, “I understand you…” or “so what your saying is…”

This will help in every area of life and foster better relationships and communication. Every aspect in life will start to flourish when listening becomes the main focus of a conversation. It will bring about personal awareness and clarity. If something is not understood correctly, before reacting, respond, respond, respond. It can not be over stressed that responding in a highly communicative way will put out any fires that may have been started by a miscommunication. Simply ask, “Did I hear you correctly say….” or “do you mean….” This will insure that either the intended message was said correctly or misinterpreted.

Negative emotions can also produce miscommunications. They are anger, sadness, and nervousness. When anger creeps into a conversation all real communication goes out the window. Make sure to lower the tension before listening to keep the communication open and honest. When sadness is on the horizon it is best for an individual to openly talk about their feelings to a trusted source then continue a conversation, and listen, to the speaker. Nervousness can ruin anyone’s confidence. An individual must sit or stand to release the nervous energy by thinking calming thoughts and redirecting that energy into a positive way. New thoughts can emerge by realizing that everything works out for the best, and a reason, and everything is changeable and in your power to do so.

Good listening can also help in the bedroom. Every individual has preferences when it comes to intimacy. Listening to your partner will enhance your relationship. What your partner wants may be what you need. Start by asking questions about likes and dislikes, then listen and repeat. Make a mental note about what works or does not work, wait for the signs and then act. Acting out a sexual need or urge will become more euphoric if listening becomes part of sex talk. Open communication about sexual desires can develop into a satisfying relationship.

Eye contact during an intimate act is an easy way to communicate connection and desire. When eye contact is secured, then progress to asking what feels good to your partner and where to touch then listen. Watch a new experience unfold that can bring both partners closer together.

A good listener will sexually be able to know what their partner wants and feels. They will know every detail. Experimentation can become part of an individual’s sexual life style with their partner if they learn to listen to their bodies and partner's body. This heightened level of awareness will produce richer, more involved and deeper relationships.

Share your feelings with your partner and respect their feelings by listening. It is a win win relationship for both people that share in open communication. From personal awareness to sexual awareness, listening is the key ingredient for making a fulfilling communicative life.

Friday, August 6, 2010

What Did You Say?

Both a sultry stride and a goofy grin can send nonverbal signals. Nonverbal communication is what we are saying when our lips are not moving. It can speak louder than words and 70% of messages are not actually said at all.

Remember when the word sorry was just not enough or when acting enthusiastic fell short of true excitement? This might have been caused by what was being projected nonverbally in facial expression and/or body language.

Before you open your mouth people are assessing you. It is a fact so why not use it to your advantage? Everyone wants to be noticed in the right ways and knowledge of nonverbal communication will help any individual feel confident in the game of life.


A big smile can spell sincerity. Openness to new adventures mixed with positive intent will allow opportunities to come your way. Smiling is extremely important and should not be taken lightly. A half smile can mean flirtation, seduction, contemplation and eagerness when it is accompanied by the right hand gestures and eye contact. A full grin can tell someone that you mean business, like them, are interested, happy, and available.

To smile correctly be aware of the setting. After all every individual is the lead character in their own spectacular role in life. In dark moody places try little smiles to get attention then move to full smiles. In bright outdoor places let those teeth shine under the sun. To show real enthusiasm lean your head back and let out a big grin. To show interest in an idea keep your teeth to yourself and give a half smile.


When choosing an outfit for any occasion make sure it is stylish. Then comfort comes next. I know many will swear by pajamas, nice try. Although they are comfortable they nonverbally say, “I’ve given up.” To do comfort right, choose an outfit that enhances what you’re mama gave you and makes you feel like a million bucks. Comfort and fashion can go hand and hand.

Confidence and comfort can be seen a mile away and will let passers know they are dealing with a pro. Fashion should be an extension of an individual’s personality and can send the right or wrong messages. Invest in pieces that will always be in style and stay away from trends.

Ladies stick to classics like a black wrap dress and dark fitted jeans made for your fabulous frame. Gents stock your closet with one nice suit and also a pair of jeans that are your style. Never be shy to ask for advice. This will make sure that every piece screams sensibility and style.


A walk is only a stroll if it is lacking confidence. Chin up, shoulders back and chest to the sky is sexy on both men and women. Do not down play this part, it is important. Save exaggerated walks for the runway and keep a confident stride for the streets. To achieve this invest in shoes that are made for walking. Yes there are heels that have an added bonus of four wheel drive. Every step should be strong and exude confidence.

If lighting up the room with a captivating entrance is a goal, then walking is your saving grace. Take a step in the right nonverbal right direction by keeping your chin parallel with the ground and eyes straight ahead. Eye contact while walking will tell the world that you are ready for anything.

Never get lost in translation. Whether someone is giving non verbal cues or you are receiving them make sure that how you present yourself is honest and genuine. Lying will come in loud and clear through nonverbal cues. A tell tale sign of someone that is not being honest through their body language is sweating, twitching, shifting and/or excessive blinking. Be aware of fake nonverbal and become a star at attacking the right situations and people into your life.